As we continue our countdown of the best films of 2013, we thought we would give it up the losers, the outcasts, the films that failed so miserably that unfortunately, we can’t get them out of our mind. They are known as the Ten Worst Films of 2013.
Watching close to 300 films this year gave us a large selection to choose from but we disqualified favorite whipping boys such as Tyler Perry, dreadful festival films that 99 percent of the public didn’t see and obvious candidates from early in the year.
What were left with was a list of movies that stuck out in our minds for the sheer ineptitude and lack of awareness of how terrible they really were. Without further ado, we give you the lowest of the low, the Ten Worst Movies of 2013.
HONORABLE MENTION
To the Wonder, A Good Day to Die Hard, Broken City, Only God Forgives, Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs
TOP TEN
10. The Canyons
Known more for her off-screen exploits than on recently, Lindsay Lohan is the best thing about this dreadful small indie written by Brett Easton Ellis. Appearing opposite real-life porn star, James Deen, Lohan generated some heat and positive reviews but this film was simply a bad idea from the word, “go!”
9. Grown Ups 2
After a lackluster first film, we don’t know ANYBODY (other than the studio) that wanted to see this tired, aging group of friends reunite for a second effort. An unfocused script, comedic antics from the 1990s and lack of imagination and energy were just some of the problems for this film for juveniles of a certain age.
8. Gangster Squad
After the shooting in Colorado in the summer of 2012, the studio re-edited a scene from the film but unfortunately that just delayed the inevitable. While the film wanted to be a more action-oriented L.A. Confidential, what they got was heavy, overburden star vehicle that didn’t fool the audience one bit – they stayed away in droves!
7. Peeples
So many problem, so little space to detail this Black Meet the Fockers-esque disaster from writer/director Tina Gordon Chism. Comedian and character actor Craig Robinson out of his depth as the lead, Kerry Washington playing a character that would have been a better fit several years ago and on and on. Tried to walk out TWICE on this film but my colleagues didn’t want to suffer alone!
6. Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
This is the second film that the producers could have adhered to the adage, “leaving well enough alone.” The first film in this franchise was adequate but this second installment was absolutely putrid. Starting with a story with giant-size swiss cheese holes and tons of bad sight gags, this is a film that we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemies!
5. After Earth
There were high hopes for the latest sci-fi adventure but they were quickly dashed when audiences discovered that the Smith who would carry the action was Jaden, not Will. It is a questionable decision to place such a huge responsibility on such a young, unprepared actor and we bet Will would reverse course if only to escape the “Actor Witness Protection Program.”
4. The Lone Ranger
Critics were lukewarm when they discovered this popular story would be told from Tonto’s point of view . . . and then they saw this bloated disaster. The film never fully commits to which tone to present the film and the end result is Johnny Depp’s second consecutive summer stink-bomb. We said once, we’ll say it again – simply leave well-enough alone!
3. R.I.P.D.
There are bad films and bad concepts. This poor man’s Men In Black-esque story about a couple of detectives hunting the undead was D.O.A., registering barely a pulse in theaters featuring uninspiring performances from Oscar winner Jeff Bridges and hunky Ryan Reynolds. Incredibly, this should have been number one if not for . . .
2. The Hangover III
Let’s see, you make a popular film, follow it up with damn near the same film and you decide to close the franchise with a boring, unfunny, uninspiring tale that features filmmakers making jokes that feature decapitated animals, dead parents and a silly final showdown. One of the most uncomfortable two hours we spent in theaters and then there was . . .
1. Getaway
This rhythm-less tale of two people brought together to perform high-speed acts of mayhem around the Christmas holiday. Both Ethan Hawke and Selena Gomez dialed in their performance in this mortgage film that did NOTHING for either of their careers. By the time this cinematic piece of excrement came to a close, there was no doubt that we had a LOSER!